


and i'm a goddamn coward, but then again so are you

by The_Bisexual_From_Hell



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Heretic Lizzie, Hurt No Comfort, Josie is still in love with hope, Marriage, No cheating, Pining, Unrequited Love, Weddings, hizzie wedding from Josie's perspective, hosie flashbacks, past hosie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27750658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bisexual_From_Hell/pseuds/The_Bisexual_From_Hell
Summary: Josie gets the wedding invitation on a Wednesday. It’s mixed with her normal mail, bills, magazine subscriptions, and buried in between those pieces of monotonous comfort she finds the one thing she wishes would never find her. She had always imagined that in this situation her heart would stop, but her heart has always been stubborn, never doing what Josie wants it to do. It beats faster, so fast Josie thinks she’s dying—her heart has been in pain for so long and now it’s finally too much—her heartbeat is pounding on her ears, the world starts to blur around her, she doesn’t know if it’s tears or lack of oxygen—when did she stop breathing?OrLizzie and Hope get married, Josie is still in love with Hope.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Lizzie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman & Lizzie Saltzman
Comments: 23
Kudos: 96





	and i'm a goddamn coward, but then again so are you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, English is not my first language, so hopefully, this is good. Let me just say I'm a Hosie and a Hizzie, I love them both and I felt like I could write something that has both of them, in the saddest way possible of course. Enjoy.

Josie gets the wedding invitation on a Wednesday. It’s mixed with her normal mail, bills, magazine subscriptions, and buried in between those pieces of monotonous comfort she finds the one thing she wishes would never find her. She had always imagined that in this situation her heart would stop, but her heart has always been stubborn, never doing what Josie wants it to do. It beats faster, so fast Josie thinks she’s dying—her heart has been in pain for so long and now it’s finally too much—her heartbeat is pounding on her ears, the world starts to blur around her, she doesn’t know if it’s tears or lack of oxygen—when did she stop breathing?

It takes her a full five minutes to get herself back together, to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart—life, it shattered her whole life—and glue them back together. It feels as if she is an ill-fitting puzzle, once you take it out of the box it can never be put back together and restore it to its original glory—glory? Josie never had any, she just had cowardice—The invitation has broken her and there is no going back.

It’s beautiful, golden letters that shine like a thousand suns written in the fanciest of fonts as if meant for royalty, in a way they were. _We are pleased to invite you to the wedding of Hope Andrea Mikaelson and Elizabeth Jenna Saltzman_. It’s the perfect wedding invitation, it's her dream wedding invitation. She and Lizzie did always have similar tastes. Josie would call it a twin thing. 

_My whole life any time I’ve ever liked anyone you go for them and you always win_. The words echoed in her head, words she had uttered to her sister a lifetime ago. They were the words of a young child that didn’t understand the world, whose feelings had been hurt and ignored for too long. But those words were not true, Lizzie didn’t always win. Josie simply never fought to begin with. 

She wants to reduce the invitation to ash and let the wind carry it away. She wishes she had never gotten it. She desires nothing more than to forget the words that have now been burnt into her mind. She needs to be free from what that tiny piece of cream-white paper forces her to do. 

The two people that she loves the most are getting married. Her sister and best friend—Josie doesn’t know if she can still call Hope that since they haven't spoken in years, not since she ran away from everything—decided to get their happily ever after and she hates them for it. 

All the hate she has ever felt comes rushing back to her. Her vision goes red with anger and her hand curls into a fist around the delicate symbol of her failure. How dare they? How dare they leave her behind and forgotten? How dare Hope marry someone that isn't Josie? How dare Lizzie take what is hers yet again? 

It does not last long—the anger leaves her body, washes away like a frail sandcastle built too close to the ocean. Her love for Hope and Lizzie outweighs the hate she feels—it’s not really hate, it’s pain, turned to anger, turned into resentment—Josie has always cared too much, it's kind of a problem. 

Josie hadn’t been back to Mystic Falls—because of course out of all the places in the world the wedding had to be in Mystic falls—since she had locked all of her magic away on the eve of her twenty-second birthday. That very same night she had packed her bags and left. Running away under the pretense of studying abroad—she was going to become a doctor like her mother, in the University of Glasgow. At first, communications had been frequent, weekly phone calls turned into monthly phone calls, which eventually turned into texts, which were eventually reduced to the obligatory holiday texts, and eventually, it had all faded into nothingness. 

And now she was back standing in the same place as before. Josie felt like a child as if she had traveled back in time a decade or two. She was nothing but a helpless child being crushed by the intensity of her love. Tears sprung from her eyes, she willed them to stop but her sadness did not yield to her commands. 

She let the tears flow freely, if she ran out of tears now, then maybe they could not drown her during the wedding. 

The invitation said all guests were offered a place to stay, something about the Salvatore School. Josie had gotten herself a room in a dingy motel on the outskirts of town and paid for a single night. She wasn’t planning on staying long. 

Deciding what to wear was complicated—no it wasn’t, Josie just wants more excuses to curse the existence of the wedding—She wanted to wear a dress, maybe one that was made of a light color, so light she could have easily been mistaken by the bride. But that’s not Josie, she's not going to steal her sister’s thunder at her wedding, or ask for Hope to love her back. Josie isn’t selfish, especially not now. And so she wears the complete opposite, a pitch-black suit, so dark it could be mistaken with looking into the night sky on a cloudy night with no stars. 

The night before the wedding was spent crying on a plane, now the day of the wedding Josie is trying her hardest to feel nothing. She wishes her heart would turn to stone or to ice. She wishes her heartbeat wasn’t a song made only for Hope Mikaelson. Being a vampire with no humanity sounds like heaven to Josie.

A voice at the back of her mind is whispering, laughing, calling her pathetic. Dark Josie wants to be let out, she promises to make things better, to stop Josie from hurting—Josie knows it’s bullshit, Dark Josie is as in love with Hope as her. All of Dark Josie’s requests and promises are ignored, and she gets shoved in a box in an even deeper part of her mind. 

Josie loves her sister too much to wreak havoc on her wedding like that (she loves Hope enough to do it if it were anyone else she was getting married to, she would). Lizzie is the other half of her soul, Josie will do whatever it takes to make her happy—Always and Forever—for Hope’s sake, the tribrid better do the same, otherwise, Josie will rain hell on her (love of her life or not).

Josie really wanted to be drunk, so drunk she feels nothing, so drunk she can pretend it doesn’t hurt like hell—like father like daughter—but she won’t. She knows if she gets drunk she’ll say something she’ll regret, or worse she’ll say something she won’t. 

The ceremony is supposed to start at 1 p.m. Josie gets to the Mikaelson Mansion at 12:45 p.m and she stands outside contemplating her reality, Her sister is getting married to the girl she’s in love with.

Her twin and the love of her life.

Jenna and Andrea. 

Lizzie and Hope.

The two people she loved the most. 

Standing outside the Mikaelson Mansion takes Josie back to when she was young—is she old now? Josie definitely doesn’t feel young anymore—back then she thought she had everything figured out. 

_Josie was 18 and her life was perfect—well, as perfect as her life would ever get. She had graduated from the Salvatore school. She had decided to leave college as something to do after the merge, no point in wasting what could be the final years of her life to study something she might not get to practice._

_She had her sister and her friends. Most importantly she had a girlfriend (a secret girlfriend). Little Josie Saltzman had managed to get Hope Mikaelson to date her, after years of pinning._

_They had been dating for about three months and Josie felt like it was a constant high, Hope made her happy._

_Date nights with Hope usually ended at the Mikaelson mansion— since it was where Hope had lived since finishing school—today was no different, they had gone on a picnic date in the woods. Hope’s wolf always felt more at peace near the woods. Hope was giving Josie a piggyback ride, supernatural strength and all._

_They made it back to the Mikaelson Mansion, but instead of going inside, like usual, Hope sat on the porch, looking into the woods surrounding the estate. Josie sat next to her, and for a few minutes, no one spoke a single word._

_“Hope, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Josie asked that question frequently and Hope always had a completely different answer._

_“I would like to have my own bakery, I’d make beignets all day long. What about you Jo? What would want to be when you grow older?” Hope never failed to ask back, and Josie’s answer was always the same._

_“I want to be a doctor, like my mom, I want to save lives,” Josie said, knowing there was a possibility that she would die at 22. Neither of the girls wanted to acknowledge that out loud. They stayed quiet for a minute before Hope leaned in for a kiss._

_It was a kiss quite unlike all of their other kisses. It was as if Hope was trying to show Josie how much she loved her, how much Josie mattered to her with a single kiss. The kiss felt desperate but Josie was not one to complain—she kissed back with as much need as Hope. Their minds clouded by love._

_Hope pulled away as abruptly as the kiss had started._

_Josie’s stomach dropped._

_Hope averted her eyes, as if looking into Josie’s warm brown eyes burnt her very soul._

_All highs have to end._

_Josie knew exactly what was happening, she finally understood what today was about. She understood why Hope had been extra sweet, extra loving. She finally understood why Hope had acted anxious or worried when she thought Josie wasn’t looking._

_Josie thought things were perfect so badly that she mistook the signs Hope had been sending and now it was the end of them._

_“So that's it? You’re giving up on us?” Barely contained sadness oozed out of Josie’s voice._

_“You were always so smart Jo.” Hope sounded like she was in pain, as tears pooled in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jo, I’m so fucking sorry. I love you so much, more than I could ever put into words, and it scares the shit out of me Jo.”_

_Josie said nothing, Hope cupped the side of her face with her hands._

_“You weren’t my first love Josie. And I’m ending us before you get the chance to become an epic love. But I will never stop loving you Jo, not in a thousand years. I will love you until the last star shines in the sky. You will always carry a piece of my heart with you, Josette Saltzman”_

_Hope was crying, trying desperately to scream ‘I love you, you might die before you turn 22 and if I love you anymore when that happens, it will break me’. Josie heard what went unsaid._

_Josie took Hope’s hands off her face and put them in the tribrid’s lap. Then she proceeded to stand up and walk away from Hope. Hope stayed frozen as Josie walked away, she didn’t even move when the siphon turned around to say one last thing._

_“FUCK YOU. Fuck you for making me love you. Fuck you for leading me on. Fuck you for being the love of my fucking life. Fuck you Hope Andrea Mikaelson for being a failure.” Josie was screaming her lungs out. Fitting her heart was breaking, her lungs and throat tearing apart, the only thing that was missing was pouring rain._

_“You’re a fucking coward,” Josie said with a razor-sharp tone, no more yelling._

_Hope felt as if a thousand blades were cutting her heart at the same time. Hope had just made the biggest mistake of her life. She wanted to take it all back—fix it and take Josie inside as nothing had ever happened—but Josie had already walked away. It was too late._

Caroline’s arms wrap around Josie and her train of thought is forgotten.

The hug is everything she has missed in her years away. Josie melts into her mother’s arms and curls around Caroline like she’s still a child seeking comfort after a bad nightmare—her life is a nightmare anyway—her mom just holds her as if she knows exactly what is wrong. A mother always knows. 

“I’ve missed you, Josie, I’ve missed my baby girl, my whip-smart daughter, my sweet child.” Caroline’s voice is soft as always and it breaks Josie a little bit inside. 

“I’ve missed you too, mom.” And she means it, Josie has been miserable without her family, but she has a feeling things would be even more painful if she were around. 

Josie looks at her mom for the first time in over a decade and it hits her how much has changed and how much hasn’t. Her mom looks exactly the same, not a hair out of place and not a wrinkle in sight. Logically Josie knows this was bound to happen, her mom looked 17 long before Josie was born, and her mom will look 17 long after Josie has died. 

On the other hand, Josie does look older, she has aged like a normal person. She looks exactly like one would expect a woman in her late thirties would look like. When she looks into her mother’s eyes, she finds pain, so much pain, and anguish that Josie wants to cry all over again.

Her mother will have to mourn her death, her mom has to deal with the knowledge that she will outlive her children and she has to remain forever frozen at 17. Immortality Rules. 

So Josie figures if her mother can go through that, she can go through Lizzie and Hope’s wedding—it's just one night. Then she can get drunk and cry for a month. 

She gets seated in the front row. The section for family, she’s right next to the seats reserved for Elijah, Hayley, Klaus, and Josette. Of course, she’s with the dead family members, she supposes it's fitting, she’s just a ghost in their lives. She’s not the maid of honor, or even a bridesmaid, she hasn’t seen or spoken to Lizzie and Hope for over a decade. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, even if a part of her is grateful. 

Josie can recognize Hope’s aunts as bridesmaids, Freya is her maid of honor. On Lizzie’s side, she finds their mom as a bridesmaid, she recognizes no one else. It’s pitiful, this is her twin sister and now she knows nothing about her. 

Hope walks down the aisle first, Kol Mikaelson holding her arm, walking her in the place of her father, living proof of the dead among them. Hope looks even more beautiful than Josie could have ever imagined. She doesn’t look a day over 25. She is practically glowing. Her dress hugs over every curve, Josie almost dies on the spot. 

What's really the most beautiful thing Josie has seen is her face, light blue eyes that hold a look of pure happiness, a smile so big and bright it lights up the whole room. Hope looks like an angel sent from the heavens. For a brief second, Josie imagines that this is their wedding, that she’s waiting for Hope at the end of the altar in her pitch-black suit, that she gets to kiss the bride.

The illusion—like her heart—shatters the moment Hope looks at her. Baby blue eyes lock into her own warm brown eyes and Hope’s million-dollar smile falters for a second. It happens so fast, that if Josie wasn’t staring at Hope like her life depended on it, she wouldn’t have caught it. 

Suddenly Hope can’t stop looking at her, and those beautiful blue eyes get filled with sadness. It is almost as if Hope is trying to communicate something to Josie with just a look. _I’m sorry, I love you, forgive me_ but that is simply Josie’s hopeful imagination—that’s what she tells herself, she will not screw with Lizzie’s happiness—so she averts her gaze and tries to be happy for the brides.

What seems like an eternity and the blink of an eye simultaneously goes by and Lizzie starts to walk down the aisle. At her side stands their father, Alaric looks like an old man now, hair fully grey and wrinkles covering the whole of his face, it's a stark contrast to their mother, and to Lizzie. Her twin sister looks exactly like she did when they were 21. Josie guesses they both dealt with the merge in different ways. 

Josie locked away the most important part of herself and Lizzie died. 

Lizzie looks as radiant as Hope. Lizzie is so happy with her dream wedding, in her dream dress with her dream girl, so damn happy that Josie thinks she can feel it through a twin bond that has been dead for over a decade.

And for the first time, it truly hits Josie how happy her sister and Hope are together. They found happiness and family and love in each other. Who is Josie for even thinking of taking it away from them?

Lizzie looks at Josie. The world stops. The blushing bride looks like she has seen a ghost. Lizzie's face tells Josie that she clearly didn’t expect her twin to attend the wedding, that the invitation was a courtesy and that Josie is nothing but someone Lizzie used to know. And Josie knows that it's all her fucking fault—she’s the one that bailed on everyone, she’s the one that turned herself into a ghost without having to die. 

Hope and Lizzie stand face to face, and all of their thoughts of Josie are clearly forgotten. They look into each other’s eyes, blue on blue, and Josie can feel their love and happiness from her seat. 

Little Nik—he’s not so little anymore, he’s in his late teens—walks after Lizzie, holding a cushion that holds the rings. Hope had told Josie when they were together that she wanted Nik to be her ring bearer, back when the wedding was supposed to be between them.

Marcel looks between the two brides—fitting that Hope’s big brother is the one that will perform the ceremony—he gives them a moment to take in the happiest day of their lives and starts to talk. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the unions between two lovely ladies, Hope Andrea Mikaelson and Elizabeth Jenna Saltzman—” _That should be me, that’s the wrong twin, it should be me_ , Josie wants to scream, but she doesn’t. Josie zones out for most of Marcel’s speech, it's too personal and too painful. The only thing she hears is “If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.” 

Josie will forever hold her peace. Even if it kills her. Especially if it kills her. 

“Elizabeth, Lizzie. I have been waiting for this day for so long, we have eternity together and I still wanted to get married since the first date. You weren’t my first love, but you are my epic love. My heart beats for you. When we were little, we didn’t get along. It was clashing over and over again. I think if our younger selves could see us now, they would die of a heart attack. It makes me the happiest person in the universe that we got our shit together and we decided to unite our headstrong wills. Our love is the most beautiful thing, and the painter in me wishes she could turn it into a beautiful painting, alas what we have cannot be fully expressed. I love everything about you, the good and the bad, there is no one like you. I promise to love you, to care for you, to be there for you, Always and Forever.”

Hope says her vows and Josie starts to cry. 

Josie could swear that Hope had looked at her for a fraction of a second when saying ‘you are my epic love’, but the mere thought of that left her with so much fractured hope like her heart was healed for a moment, just before it was torn apart for the millionth time in the past 24 hours. 

Josie is crying, so are most people at the wedding, but she doubts they are crying for the same reason. Caroline looks at her and throws pity at her with her eyes. Josie’s sadness is so overwhelming that she misses Lizzies vows. It’s for the better—Josie doesn’t think she could handle listening to her sister profess her undying love for Hope. 

Breathing gets harder, her chest feels like it has been filled with lead. The surgeon in Josie wonders if she’s dying of a broken heart. It’s a condition called taktsubo cardiomyopathy or ‘Broken Heart Syndrome’— the condition consists of a surge of stress that overloads the heart and causes the heart muscles to fail. Basically a love heart attack. It's rare but it happens, and out of all the people in the world, Josie bets she would be the one to get it. 

Maybe the Josettes will have a tendency of dying at weddings, like mother like daughter.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Josie can hear Marcel’s smile from her seat. Of course, he is happy, his baby sister just got married to one of the most wonderful people in the world. 

Josie tries her damn hardest to look away, she really doesn’t want to see Lizzie and Hope kiss, and yet there’s a part of her brain that won’t let her spare herself the pain. And so Josie looks.

Hope moves to gently hold Lizzie, she smiles the biggest smile Josie has ever seen and she leans in—she does it in the same way she leaned for Josie and Hope’s last kiss—Lizzie is smiling too, her signature ‘I got what I wanted and I could not be happier smile’. They both smile into the kiss, it's a brief kiss, but it truly shows how much they love each other. 

It hurts Josie more than anything had at this point. It seals Hope and Lizzie’s marriage and makes it all too real and too raw for Josie. It takes everything in her power not to run out of the wedding and catch the first plane back to Europe. 

After that, the ceremony passes like a blur and suddenly Josie is at the reception, sitting at a table full of strangers. It’s funny how out of place she is, the bride’s sister sitting in the back like a random acquaintance. 

A girl in a bridesmaid dress approaches Josie. 

“Hi, I’m Kyla, Lizzie and I met in college. I saw you sitting in the front row, and thought I could come introduce myself. What’s your name, darling?” Clearly, bridesmaid Kyla is attempting to flirt with Josie, and even more shocking, she has no idea who Josie is. 

“Uh, I’m Josette, Josette Parker-Forbes, no, Josette Saltzman, or well both, but you can call me Josie,” Judging by how Kyla’s face changed, Josie can assume that Lizzie has talked about her at some point. 

“Oh, hi Lizzie’s twin sister, no one thought you were going to show up, except for Hope. We had a bet going on. I guess I owe Hope 50 bucks now” Somehow, the fact that Hope believed in her when no one else did made Josie’s insides do summersaults. Some things never change. 

Josie’s conversation with bridesmaid Kyla goes on for a while, they both flirt with each other. It distracts Josie from the painful reality that Hope is now her sister-in-law. Eventually, Josie figures she should probably say hello to the newlyweds and excuses herself from the conversation.

She bumps into the one and only Rebekah Mikaelson on the way to the spouse's table. Josie has no idea how to act or what to say. She has met Rebekah one or two times before, back when she still thought one day Rebekah might become family. 

“I’m sorry,” Rebekah says in an empathic voice, Mikaelsons never cease to amaze her.

“Ah, thanks? For what are you sorry though?” Josie tries to sound casual, but she has a feeling the tremble in her voice gives away her every feeling.

“That look in your eye, the unrequited love look, one I know too well,” Rebekah clearly knew and all Josie could do was open and close her mouth like a fish. “And unless you are pinning over that sister of yours, you must be in love with that darling niece of mine. I applaud you for being able to keep it together. It’s a hard thing to do, Josette.”

“God, am I that obvious?” 

“No, I’m just that good. Now, I feel for you love, I really do, but if you so much as attempt to get back with Hope tonight, I will be forced to obliterate you.” Mikealsons, compassionate one second, deadly the next. 

“You don’t have to worry. As much as it pains me, I would never do that to Lizzie.” Josie is barely keeping it together, she wishes she could stop crying.

“Good, I am genuinely sorry, I am painfully aware of how horrible it is to love someone that doesn’t love you back. My best advice is murder and booze.” Rebekah says it and Josie knows that she means it, that she is genuinely sorry, but nothing matters more than family to a Mikaelson, and that’s what Lizzie is now, while Josie becomes an extra in the story. 

Without saying another word, Rebekah moves on. Josie still needs to find Hope and Lizzie. 

Finding her sister is not hard. Everyone is crowding around the brides. Apparently, Lizzie and Hope decided that they should handle things separately because Josie can see Hope Mikaelson’s little mob on the other side of the estate.

Caroline stands near Lizzie, clearly, she doesn’t want her daughter to get overwhelmed, and the second she sees Josie heading their way, she uses that Forbes charm to draw everyone away from Lizzie. 

Her sister’s confused pouty face takes Josie back to when they were just kids. When the whole world was theirs for the taking. When they were still Lizzie and Josie, the Saltzman twins. Now they are Lizzie Mikaelson and Josie Parker-Forbes, estranged twins that don’t even look the same age. 

Josie takes another step toward her twin, and it seems like Lizzie’s newly found—they’re new to Josie at least— supernatural senses tune to her with incredible precision. 

Lizzie uses her vampire speed and suddenly Josie finds herself in the arms of the person she has missed the most, the other side of her coin. Josie might not have supernatural strength—or supernatural anything—but the way she’s hugging Lizzie back might prove otherwise.

Josie starts to cry for what feels like the millionth time that day, except for the first time, her tears are of pure unadulterated happiness. She feels whole for the first time since she was 22, giving up her magic didn’t just get rid of her ability to do magic, it cut her off from Lizzie, that twin bond that had nuzzled in her heart since birth was shut down, and it took a part of Josie’s soul with it. 

Now, hugging Lizzie made her feel safe like she was still a naive kid that would always have her family. Josie wishes she could stop time, she could freeze this moment and stay in it forever. She finally feels whole and she never wants to stop. 

All good things must come to an end. 

Lizzie let's go. Josie shatters all over again.

“Josie, I’ve missed you so much,” There’s pain and relief in Lizzie’s voice when she says that. Josie knows Lizzie has missed her the same way Josie has missed Lizzie. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you Lizzie” Josie’s words come out in between laughter and sobs. She’s grateful for the wonders of waterproof mascara. Lizzie playfully punches Josie on the shoulder and Josie vows to never take her sister for granted again. 

“I’m really happy for you, you deserve only the best in the universe, and I guess the only tribrid in existence is close enough.” Josie is really trying not to die, more importantly, she is trying to not give away the fact that she is madly and irrevocably in love with Hope. 

“Me being married to Hope, and you being sarcastic and teasing towards her? What kind of parallel universe is this and when did our roles switch?” Lizzie says it as a joke, Josie swears she just lost a year of her life. 

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Josie is considering her funeral arrangements. “And you know I love Hope, but you’re my only sister, my twin, other half of my soul...you before anyone else.”

“Really? Do I? Is that what you were doing when you ran away to Europe without even saying goodbye? Putting me before anyone else? Spare me the bullshit, Jo.” Lizzie is so angry, the relief and joy of seeing her sister have worn off, and only the anger born out of abandonment was left. 

“Lizzie I—” Josie lacks a good explanation, at least one she can give her sister.

“Save it, I really don’t want to hear it. We are going to enjoy my wedding, and pretend nothing is wrong, then afterward, you will listen to me yell at you, before you ultimately give me a good explanation, and it ends in a tearful hug. And when I come back from my honeymoon, you will still be here. Capiche?” Lizzie says it in the most Lizzie way possible ever. It twists the knife that has been in Josie’s heart for over a decade, and for the millionth time, Josie wonders how she isn’t dead.

“Of course Mrs. Mikaleson.” That’s a lie and Josie knows it. She’s leaving tomorrow and not looking back. But she can spare Lizzie the pain during her wedding, she can pretend to be a decent sister for a little bit longer.

“Speaking of Mrs. Mikaelson, you should say hello to Hope if you haven’t, she has really missed you,” Lizzie speaks about Hope in the exact same love-struck way Josie used to talk about Hope before they broke up. Josie’s smile falters just enough for Lizzie to notice.

“Ah, you’re worried that she’s mad at you because you used to be best friends and you also abandoned her?” Lizzie’s tone is mildly passive-aggressive but the only thing Josie can do is thank the heavens Lizzie doesn’t know her twin is in love with her wife. 

Josie can only nod, fearing that if she opens her mouth she will reveal the truth to her sister

“No need to worry, I’m sure she’ll be so happy to see you that she won’t remember to be mad. Besides we talked about what we would do if you actually showed up at the wedding and we agreed any and all anger can be dealt with later.” Lizzie says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world, and somehow Josie believes her. 

Twin sisters hug one last time, and Josie leaves to congratulate the love of her life on getting married. 

Finding Hope is harder than finding Lizzie, clearly, she had gotten sick of the attention and ran off somewhere to get some air. Hope had always hated crowds. Lucky for Josie, during their relationship—fling, they had only shared a fling—she had learned all of Hope’s favorite secluded spots.

It takes her less than 5 minutes to find Hope, and when she does find her, a part of her wishes she hadn’t. 

Hope looks ethereal sitting on a rock with her wedding dress on. Josie could swear it was a scene straight out of a Greek myth, she is looking at Aphrodite herself. She doesn’t look away until Hope raises her head and looks directly into Josie’s eyes. 

Josie feels naked like Hope is staring into her very soul, and yet Hope is unreadable. She sits down next to Hope and gets a strange sense of deja vu. 

“Hey, Hope.” 

“‘Hey, Hope.’ Really? That’s all you have to say after over a fucking decade Josie?” Hope is angry, Josie can feel the signature Mikaelson rage radiating off her. Josie lowers her head in shame and wills her tears not to fall. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry Hope, I’m really fucking sorry. I couldn’t stay anymore. I just couldn’t take it. I know I fucked up, god knows I hate myself for it every day. I’m a coward. But please, I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, so please cut me some slack.” Josie is close to tears and Hope’s anger melts away. 

“I guess we’re both cowards” 

“Because you’re hiding from everyone at your own wedding?” Josie says it like it's a joke, she doesn’t know if her heart can take the conversation going into more serious territory. 

“No, well yes, but that’s not what I meant,” Hope speaks in that voice that is sweet like honey, and Josie thinks she might be falling in love all over again. “I meant that when we broke up, you called me a coward.”

“Oh.” 

“You were right, you know? I was being a coward, I was too scared to lose you. By the time I realized the mistake I had made, I had already lost you.” Hope sounds so sad, sadder than anyone should feel on their wedding day. It makes Josie a little bit happy. 

“I was angry, and in pain, take what I said back then for a grain of salt.” Josie is lying-she meant every single word. It seems like it’s a trend for her, lying to the brides to make them feel better. 

“You don’t need to lie, Jo, I know the truth, I was a coward. Maybe if I hadn’t been one, this would be our wedding. Josette Mikaelson has a nice ring to it.” Hope’s innocent words are like torture to Josie. She wants to live in the ‘what if’ reality Hope is talking about. She wants to be Mrs. Mikaelson. She wants Lizzie’s life. She wants Hope Mikaelson to love her back. 

“I meant what I said back then, I might have been young and foolish, but I meant it. I love you, Josette, you will always carry a piece of my heart with you.” Hope says it like a promise and Josie’s heart soars, Hope loves her back, then she remembers her sister. 

“But you love Lizzie more?” Josie’s voice cracks, she’s crying. 

“But I love Lizzie now.” Hope sounds so solemn, so apologetic. She’s crying too and Josie wishes she could take all of that pain away, even if she can barely handle her own.

“Did you ever open that bakery you wanted, the one where you bake beignets all day long?” Josie’s words come out between sobs, but their break up is so burnt into Hope’s memory that she understands.

“I did, a couple of years ago. I failed spectacularly and as it turns out I am not good at making beignets. But hey, at least that’s one more thing done from my bucket list.” The tribrid sounds like she is trying not to break down further. “What about you? Did you become a doctor?“

“Doctor Parker-Forbes, cardiothoracic surgeon, at your service.” Hope gives her one of her million-dollar smiles. Combined with the tears, she looks like she should be in a renaissance painting. 

“My Josie, a cardiothoracic surgeon, I always knew you had it in you, it's in your blood like painting is in mine. I’m proud, I’m so proud. You are going to do great things, Jo.” Hope means that she knows that when Josie has passed away, and she remains to roam the earth, the most powerful supernatural creature will hear about how great Doctor Josette Parker-Forbes was, how many lives she had saved, how many techniques she has invented. And Hope would proudly be able to say ‘I knew her, I saw her talent since we were little, I loved her, and she loved me.’

“Is she everything you’ve ever dreamed of?” Josie needs to know, maybe it will give her some peace. 

Hope swallows thickly, to the point where Josie can see it.

“Yes.”

One word. A small word. It’s all Josie needs to know. Josie has always been selfless, she has always known when to put people’s needs above her own, she will do it one last time. Hope and Lizzie found happiness in each other, they’re each other’s greatest love. Josie can ignore her own desires, she can ignore the pain, she can ignore the anger.

For those two, Josie can do anything. 

Her sister is happy. Hope is happy. Josie can be happy for them. Love is a beautiful thing, even if it's not her own. It’s for the best anyways, Hope and Lizzie can be together for eternity, they have immorality to share. Josie will be dead in the blink of an eye, she’ll grow old and senile, Josie will fade but the two people she loves the most will remain. 

They say you live as long as the last person that remembers you. Josie would like to believe that. 

Hope and Josie stay silent for a couple of minutes, staring into the woods, basking in each other’s presence. It feels cathartic, everything coming full circle. They’re not the same people they were years ago, but their souls feel just a close, their hearts feel just as in pain. 

They might have broken up years ago, but here and now is where things end for good.

Josie stands up in front of Hope and delicately, brings a hand to the tribrid’s cheek.

She leans in slowly and gives Hope a kiss on the cheek, so close to her mouth that the corners of their mouths are touching. Kissing Hope, even if it's not a proper kiss, feels like heaven and hell at the same time, exactly like Josie remembers it. 

Josie walks away without saying another word. 

It's time for her to move on—Josie knows she won't be able to, but she might as well try—and go back to work, to living a simple, uncomplicated, non-magical human life. 

Nonetheless, that had to wait until after the wedding, she could bear a little more suffering, she had been doing it for the past decade. 

Josie walks back to her table and tries her damn hardest to make decent small talk to people she wishes she could strangle. For a fleeting moment, during these mind-numbing conversations she is having, she lets her mind wander into dark territory. Thoughts she hates having but she knows it better to think them and ignore them than to outright repress them. She doesn't want another Dark Josie, she needs to handle her emotions on her own. 

Images flash in her mind, about the things she did as Dark Josie, of the things she could do to everyone at this wedding, all the pain and the suffering she could cause to the people she used to live for. She could pull an Uncle Kai—she had changed her last name to Parker anyways—grab a stake and twist it into her dearest sister’s heart or into her mother’s. It would be merciful, she would spare her mother the excruciating pain of watching her child die. Or maybe they would get her before she could kill anyone, and put her out of her misery once and for all.

She could grab a knife and slowly started killing people in the bathroom, just to feel something akin to joy or at the very least excitement. She wonders how long it would take for all the people with super senses to notice, and when they do, she wonders if any of them would care, or if they would all just assume someone is having a snack. She could drown her own father in alcohol and finish the job he has been trying to do for the last few decades. If she were feeling particularly cruel she could use her medical knowledge to—

“So, what are you pondering with such a serious face?” Kyla’s flirty voice snaps her out of murderous fantasies and leads her into a whole new kind of fantasy. “Let me guess, you are thinking about which one of the food options you are going to pick. Now me personally, I’m going with the lobster. According to inside sources, it's better than the pasta and the steak.”

“You are _absolutely_ right. I was contemplating if breaking my vegetarianism was worth it for the lobster or if I should simply stick to the pasta,” Josie flirts back because bridesmaid Kyla will never be Hope, but Josie is feeling desperate. 

“Oh it’s absolutely worth it to break your vegetarianism for the lobster, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but I’ve tried the lobster and it’s to die for,” Kyla seems to be having fun, and Josie is at least having a better conversation than with her tablemates.

“Duly noted, the lobster it is.” Josie really would eat a thousand lobsters if they could kill her. 

“As much as I enjoy our riveting conversations about today’s menu—and I do—I came here for a reason. Lizzie has requested that you give a speech because according to her, you might not have been her Maid of Honor, but you are still her goddamn twin and she deserves a speech after years of not talking.” Kyla says it in a tone that imitated Lizzie perfectly and Josie really wishes Uncle Kai hadn’t missed and she had gotten stabbed to death in the womb. 

“Oh okay.” Josie’s voice is soft and confused “Do I have to give the speech right now? Because I have nothing planned.” She is clearly trying to get herself out of this somehow. Kyla sees right past her bullshit. 

“Yup, you’ve got 2 minutes to prepare” Kyla smiles like it’s the easiest thing in the world “Don’t worry too much about it, it’s your sister and your best friend, you’ll find something to say.” That’s exactly what Josie is worried about. She stands up and starts walking towards the mic, where some other bridesmaid is telling college stories about Lizzie and Hope. Before reaching the mic she turns around and shoots a wink towards Kyla. No one ever said Josie copes with grief properly. 

The mic is in her hands and it feels as if it weighs tons, Josie’s hands are shaking. She doesn’t know if she can do this. 

“I met Lizzie in the womb, obviously, first in Josette’s and then in Caroline’s, you could say we’ve been stuck together from the start to halves of a whole. There is a common saying that says ‘Blood is thicker than water’ that saying is completely false, the actually saying goes ‘The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’, it means that the bonds you choose to make are more important than those forced upon you by blood. I wholeheartedly agree,” 

The crowd looks confused and collectively let out a nervous chuckle. Lizzie and Hope look like they understand perfectly where she is going.

“And I know that seems strange considering I'm giving a speech at my twin’s wedding, but hear me out, Lizzie and I didn’t stick together because of the genetic material that binds us, Lizzie and I were born to kill each other, Lizzie and I come from a family with a habit of murdering each other, Lizzie and I did not become two halves of a whole because we were twins, Lizzie and I became two halves of a whole because we fought for it, we fought for each other, we were willing to die for each other, willing to give up everything for each other, It’s why Lizzie is the most important person in the whole universe to me. Which is exactly the reason that if you ever hurt her, Hope I will find a way to kill you in a slow and painful way.” her eyes let out a flash of Dark Josie to make sure her threat is believable. 

She makes eye contact with Lizzie, both of their eyes are filled with unshed tears, Josie means every word, Lizzie knows that. 

“Which leads me to the second blushing bride. Hope and I met during her first day at the Salvatore Boarding school, back when she was little Hope Marshall. We never really got along when we were kids, although not for the lack of trying, every time we tried to become friends we simply ended up poking each other. Until we were in our late teens, those important formative years, when we became thick as thieves, we fought magical monsters and saved each other's lives and became friends along the way. Hope understands me as well as my sister, which is maybe why it's no surprise they got married.” Hope looks at her and hears the unspoken words, _we fell in love along the way_. Hope is smiling, she has the same expression on her face as she has when Josie told her she used to have a crush on her. Josie feels butterflies in her stomach, they quickly turn to ash. 

“As I was saying, ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’, Hope and I share no blood, but the words best friend cannot begin to describe what she is to me, all that she has done for me, all that I have done for her. So I’ll gladly call her family.” It hurts to speak as if she had been stabbed, but she keeps going. 

“Hope and Lizzie, god they have a history so beautifully complicated it would take hours to tell it and do it justice, and I wasn’t even here for the time they got together. So instead of dwelling on the past, I will talk about their future. Lizzie and Hope have such a wonderful life ahead of them, they have found the person they want to spend the rest of their very long lives with, and they are committed to doing it. Any sane person would be jealous, but any sane person that cares for them would be so happy for them it feels like their heart will explode with joy.” Josie is not lying, every single word she has said has been truthful, but not the whole truth, Josie’s heart also wants to explode with grief. 

“So here’s to family, to happiness, to love.” 

Lizzie and Hope look at each other and do that thing couples do, communicate with a simple look. And the next thing Josie knows she’s being wrapped in a hug by the two people she would burn the world for. 

“I love you,” Lizzie whispers to her ear. 

“I’m glad you’re back home, Jo.” Hope follows. 

“I had missed you both so much.” Josie finishes.

Josie begins to move back to her seat after being released from the hug, but for the second time that night she gets ambushed by a Mikaelson sister, this time, it’s Freya. The oldest Mikaelson drags her to a more secluded area, clearly, she wants to have a private conversation. Josie doesn’t know if she’s going to make it out alive. Her heart pounds in her ears, so loudly she’s sure even Freya could hear it. She's terrified that she gave her love for Hope away in that speech.

“I suppose we are family now,” Freya says it like it's the simplest thing in the world, Josie supposed it is. 

“Yeah, what is it you Mikaelsons say, Always and Forever” Josie can’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Freya shoots her signature Mikaelson glare, and Josie backs down, her shoulders drop. 

“I never got to say thank you, for when you brought back everyone’s memories of Hope, I don't know where this family would be without you.” Freya is being sincere with Josie, and all she wants to do is scream. _Sometimes I wish I hadn’t_. “Forgetting someone you love is hard.” 

“Yeah” Josie’s voice comes out almost like a sigh, she remembers forgetting Hope, how it made her feel incomplete, like she wasn’t herself, how she filled that void with dark magic.

“Would you do it? If someone offered you the chance to forget everything and everyone. Would you do it?” Freya clearly knows something, she’s offering forgetting to Josie. She has to pretend to think about it. “My brother Elijah did it once.”

“No, never. I am who I am because of everyone I know and everything that has happened to me, forgetting that, it’s forgetting myself.” The melancholy is palpable in Josie’s voice “I think about it often, about how things would be easier, but life isn’t meant to be easy. This pain, this suffering, it has to mean something, so I will bear with it till my last day on earth, hoping it leads to something.”

“Very well then, I wish you the best of luck Josette Forbes-Parker, Always and Forever.” Freya’s eyes soften. “You know, you are a lot like Klaus.” 

“I’m afraid I don't follow.” 

“My brother loved Hayley dearly. She held a special place in his heart, he would have done anything for her, including letting her be happy with Elijah.”

“Oh.” Josie had always thought herself more like Stefan Salvatore, but she supposed Freya was right. And then just as fast as she appeared, Freya Mikaelson was gone. 

The ache in Josie’s chest is dull like it had been for years before the wedding. In a way it’s comforting, this pain is her only constant companion in life, she can live with it just fine because Josie knows that life will go on. She’ll hop on a plane soon, return to the safety of life in Europe—she understands her mother better now—she’ll go back to fixing people’s hearts while hers screams for help, Lizzie and Hope will be happy and in love. 

And so Josie gets drunk off champagne, has sex with bridesmaid Kyla in the bathroom, and flies home with a hungover.

It’s not a happy ending, she knows she is never going to get one, but it's as close as she’ll ever get.

**Author's Note:**

> That was fucking sad huh. 
> 
> Hope you liked it, please leave a kudos or a comment they would make me the happiest person alive. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta user allweneedofhell, I would be nothing without you. Go check our their works.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter for more gay shit @DXNYARYA


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